How I freed myself from envy

I recently read a blog that talked about how to deal with envy and this prompted me to think about how I dealt with envy myself.

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There were situations before na akala ko I was constructively criticizing a person in my head, only to realize afterwards na ay, naiinggit na pala ako. I know most of us, if not all, have envied another person at least once. Kung ang sagot mo ay hindi, well probably nasa state of denial ka pa.

I'm not saying that I absolutely don't feel envy anymore. I still do, sometimes, like if I see a person with thin legs, I'd also wish I have thinner legs! Or even in blogging, sometimes, I envy those bloggers na super laki na ng readership.

Do what you can about the things you can control. 

And those you can't control? Just accept it. 

And don't forget to look at the positive side of every situation. 

But the thing is, I have a different perspective now. I have a different approach. Like, the thing about thinner legs, well, I was created by God that way. Buti nga I am still able to walk and run diba? Or the thing about blogging, it's not as if I can't achieve the same pag nagtagal. Sipag at tiyaga lang yun. It's totally up to me. So really, it is pointless to feel envy. Kanya-kanya talaga tayo ng pinagdadaanan sa buhay. I've accepted this truth. So whenever I start to feel that familiar trickle that is envy, in no particular order, I do the following:

1. I pray. I read devotionals. I read the Bible. I listen to preachings. Basta anything that will get me closer to God. I'm a Christian. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na sobra na akong spiritual na tao all the time. At hindi rin ibig sabihin nun na alam ko ang lahat ng sagot. I'm the type of Christian na kailangan constantly nireremind sakin yung mga promises ni God in my life. Kasi kung hindi, madedetach ako sa Source. I always try to be positive but I'm not always positive. Nagiging positive lang ako whenever I remind myself of God's faithfulness to me.

2. I spend time processing my feelings. Processing is very important. Growing up, hindi uso sa bahay namin ang magprocess ng feelings. Kung ano ang nafeel mo pag pinagalitan ka, yun na. Wala nang explain explain. Kung hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit ka pinagalitan, eh ganun talaga. Basta ang siste, tama sila at mali ka. Tanggapin mo na lang. For the most part of my childhood, I grew up feeling that my emotions were not given much importance. When I got older and eventually grew my own backbone, that's when I realized the importance of processing. Processing is actually the process of digging deeper. Asking yourself why over and over again until you get to the very root cause of the situation.

Example:
Naiinggit ako kay Person X.
Bakit?
Kasi ganto.
Bakit ganto?
Kasi ganun.
Bakit ganun?
and etc.

Hanggang sa matumbok mo yung pinakareason kung bakit ka talaga naiinggit. At pag nalaman mo na yun, saka ka mag-isip ng course of action that will address the very reason of your envy. Don't let your course of action be, "hindi na ako maiinggit." Kasi kung ganun lang ang course of action mo, ang babaw. It won't work.

Of course it's important to stay true to yourself whenever you process your feelings. Minsan kasi ang galing nating mag-deny, probably out of pride. But know that doing so won't get you anywhere. It will only prolong the agony.

3. I talk to my spouse. May mga times na hindi ko kayang iprocess alone yung mga thoughts ko. Kailangan ko ng kabatuhan ng ideas and opinions. That's where the role of my spouse comes in. That's why in my opinion, it's really important to get a man of substance. Hindi yung puro porma lang. Because it's true that when you grow old, your looks will fade and what will be left are companionship and conversations. Gusto mo ba na pag matanda na kayo wala na kayong ibang mapag-usapan kundi kung ano ang kinain niyo at ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ng kapitbahay?

4. I remind myself of these truths: one, everyone is created by God for a different purpose. And two, you should never wish for somebody else's life because you don't know what their life is really like. Always remember that the things shared in social media are only things that people choose to share about their lives. Walang taong as in totally transparent in social media. Kahit pa nagpopost ng crying selfies yang mga yan.

And lastly...

5. I learn how to resist temptation. Kung nafifeel mo nang naiinggit ka, consciously make an effort na lumayo from that person. I-unfollow mo na lang. Wag mo nang tignan yung Facebook niya or yung Instagram niya. Kasi fini-feed mo lang yung inggit mo by constantly visiting their sites. If you do that, you are just allowing yourself to fall into the same pattern all over again. Remember, hindi niya kasalanan kung inggit ka sa kanya. Kasalanan mo kasi tingin ka ng tingin.

"Eh hindi ko naman kasalanan na makita ko yung mga posts niya eh. Lumalabas na lang sa timeline ko."

Ateng, may feature si Facebook na pwedeng i-unfollow yung mga posts ng isang tao. You'd still remain friends pero hindi mo na makikita yung mga posts niya. Hence, hindi na siya lalabas sa timeline mo.

At the end of the day, we just have to be grateful for the life we each have. I'm sure you are wherever you are right now because God is teaching you something. Like me, I'm a stay-at-home mom so I'm guessing that God is teaching me to be frugal among other things! And maybe when I finally learn my lesson, an opportunity will open up where God can teach me something else.

Life is just temporary. Earth is our school. A place of learning. Each of us has our own journey. Let us not waste this opportunity to create our best selves. Because unlike Krisel Mallari, we can be assured that we won't be cheated of the award we truly deserve.